Better To Outlive Your Equipment

by Eric Chaet

It’s better to outlive your equipment
than that your equipment should outlive you.

Still, you’re used to that equipment, even dependent on it.
There will be a cost involved in replacing it
& an effort to master the new equipment
greater than previous, similar efforts.

Likewise, you have resisted doing
what others insisted you should be doing
but you knew that that’s not what you were living for.
The resistance, having succeeded,
is no longer necessary or useful.

You’ve managed to achieve
what you thought you should achieve
but considered only barely possible—
or the time has passed
in which the achievement was possible
& you’ve failed.

Either way, you’ve outgrown the compulsion
& you’re free—but without a cause or momentum
& entirely aware that you don’t know what to do next.

You’re unwilling to remain a mere thing
like a rock or star, for an instant longer—
but you’re unable to lift a finger to remedy the situation.

You can imagine an end to the situation
dreamless sleep
but you can’t imagine waking, rehabilitation
another campaign, victory or defeat—but not oblivion.

It’s familiar, but the intensity is more than you can bear
except that you’re bearing it.
Maybe it’s death’s overture, or another birth’s.

///

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