I See What I’m Doing At Last

by Eric Chaet

I see what I’m doing, at last!
Not what I’d like to imagine I’m achieving
not what I’d like to imagine I’ve already achieved
& am disappointed at the lack of praise or reward
not what I’m failing to accomplish, either
while others seem to accomplish so much
& not just the course of my life so far
with obstacles that defeated me
& obstacles I’ve overcome or am overcoming, maybe—
but I see, at last, what I’m doing
& so may yet accomplish
given enough time, health, determination
even without capable cooperation
(tho I’ll accomplish more with capable cooperation)
& even in the midst of so much delusion & competition
& even given all my own imperfections—
what I am doing begins to emerge
for my conscious organization & coordination—
I see I have a fighting chance—
I see that I can become more & more effective
tho I’m starting far from where I hope to arrive
& everybody else is busy doing what they’re doing
& some of them will find me disruptive
& some of what they do will disrupt what I’m doing—
I see that I’m already doing
what, long ago, I set out to accomplish—
I see that I became distracted
& am likely yet to be distracted again & again
tho less so—
& I see how others with good or bad intentions
more or less wise or benighted
seeing even less than I did what I was trying to do
tried to put me to uses
they thought would have a better pay-off for them
or, generously, for who they imagined I must be—
that I couldn’t possibly be who I actually am—
I see that I am already doing what I should be doing
& that I only need to persevere & do it better & better!

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