4 Advantage

by Eric Chaet

Like when someone imagines
that she is in love with you—
it happens mainly when you’re a child
but it doesn’t end
while you & others breathe
& it can be friendship
instead of love that is desired—
& you won’t reciprocate—
so she punishes you whatever way
is part of her repertoire—

only it’s as tho everyone imagined
that they were in love with you
not bothering to notice who, actually, you are
& you won’t reciprocate
& join them in the madness
they’ve been programmed to enjoy
& in the consequences afterward:

I didn’t want to contribute what I could
to what was unjust & failing
& took no pleasure in sharing the delusions of my contemporaries
so I was one of those purged from the economy again & again
& each time felt my hopes dashed within me
& had to struggle not to surrender to despair
just when there was no one to look out for me but myself—
with all my imperfections!—

I imagine that you who read this have suffered
or will suffer similarly—
but maybe not—
I don’t know who you are
& knowing that I don’t know what I don’t know
is part of the discipline
I try to re-establish with each crisis
part of my only slim advantage.

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Picture: Dali