3 Glad of My Career Tho I Complain Sometimes

by Eric Chaet

Here you see me
trying to be brave
& righteous
I won’t be a slave
or pillar of empire or of delusion
or surrender to rage
I’ve risked, am risking, & will risk
doing what I think I should
efficient, practical, strategic
as I can see how
thru this madness & evil
or when I can’t see how
hold on
maintain whatever kit I depend on
struggling for faith in what I’ve done
& do & will do
thousands of sophists making their livings
preaching fitting into the military empire
& a failing economy
except where loot trickles down
or skillfully entertaining
(there’s a lot of behind scenes preparing
however frivolous the performance
or if serious, however ineffective)
or providing infrastructure for the killing
hardware, software, algorithms
supply lines, lunch
clothing & feeding bellies & fears of drones
& executing executives’ wise or foolish directives
& feeding their egos
& for all those struggling for roles
in the killing or entertaining
whatever their motive or goal
good or bad or trying to please the strongest
everyone sometimes has no spark
but if they quit they’ll be run over & die
join me, help me, pay me or don’t
I’m tempted to drop dead but won’t
I fight upstream
against almost everyone’s efforts & misunderstandings
their taking offense, taunts, & withholding
the same rules that constrain every drone
&, less so, every plutocrat, general, & chief executive
grind me down
I wouldn’t have believed I could lose so many battles
& still be alive
& still not know how to do anything otherwise
I can only communicate with others doing something similar
faring similarly, too
certainly not editors of magazines or books
that are part of the entertaining
who judge strictly by technical virtuosity
in service to prejudices embraced on the basis
of previous, less comprehensive understanding
they’re unwilling to re-evaluate
(I ask myself again & again, Am I doing the same?)
in the current acceleratingly violent situation
everyone stirred up against everyone else
by those who earn millions doing the stirring
nation divided against itself
species divided against itself
weapons created & deployed with terribly efficient genius
unable to live without building or deploying them
embracing the ethos of never-ending war
you’d never believe I’m a success if I told you
have I transformed what humanity is doing?
or even established myself as a profitable yet ineffective critic?
or failed at everything?
or stayed alive again & again by odd jobs
seizing little opportunities & living on almost nothing
while managing to produce, keep alive, & spread
this or that maybe of use
to those who will also pour themselves into the transformation
of what humanity is doing?—
will they be part of some success or failure?
they’ll surely be considered deluded by the deluded
I can’t know, & I guess
you, my contemporaries, can’t know, either
& you, who follow, can’t know, either
because everything can always be reversed
the American Revolution, the Enlightenment, monotheism
the results of a day’s or life-time’s labor
Prometheus’, Darwin’s, Edison’s gifts to humanity
the discovery of which grains & fruits are edible
& how to increase them in proportion to hunger
the status of the good, evil, fortunate, unfortunate, clever, foolish
breath & the beating of a heart
once open fields & the creatures that lived on them
nothing remains as it was.

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Picture: Cossiers’ Prometheus, via grhomeboy